Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize