the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
