what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
