you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
