How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize