Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
