just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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