I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
