i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
