like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
