I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize