there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
