started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
