I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
