remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
