4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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