Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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