Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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