Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
