If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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