last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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