Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
