Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
