you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
