She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Help. Why am I so naked?
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