I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
