Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
