I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
