my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
