So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
