think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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