That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize