can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
