just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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