my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
