I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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