i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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