He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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