She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
