So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
