Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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