I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
