Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
