all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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