If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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