just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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