Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
