youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
