the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
