have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
