Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
