I will die if light touches me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
FUCK WHALES
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