We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize