the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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