I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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