You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
