She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
