Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
