She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
