mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
