I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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