alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
