It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
