I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
