I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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