oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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