watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
