Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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