Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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