i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
