can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
