I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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