I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
