he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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