so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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