I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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