Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
