he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
