i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
