shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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